A month ago I decided that it was time for some new unspoken social norms for travelling on the train, so I wrote them up, and sent them to the Queen for approval with a note saying "Dear Mrs Queen, please get back to me if you don't agree with these unspoken train rules, but if you have no problem with them just ignore this letter." Anyway, it's a month later now and no letter from the Queen so it's time for me to let you all know these new rules that have now been accepted and are officially part of the unspoken train rule lore.
Rule 1 - If you're getting off the train and there are loads of people getting on, and they don't make room for you to walk through, it is now okay for you to barge your way through. And you're allowed to enjoy it.
Rule 2 - If someone is talking too loud on the phone in the train, someone in the carriage is obliged to pretend to be the person on the other side of the conversation and loudly respond appropriately (or inappropriately).
Rule 3 - If you're on a train and an elderly person boards, you don't have to pay attention to a sign that tells you to give up your seat but you are obliged to actually happily give up the seat out of the goodness of your heart. Because elderly people are brilliant and shouldn't need a sign in order to prompt you to be nice to them.
Rule 4 - If you are approaching an iPhone ditherer, you know the kind of people who are walking along while using their iPhone and therefore not walking in a straight line and dithering from left to right, you are no longer obliged to politely dodge around them and if they walk into you then it's their fault.
Rule 5 - If someone with a disability enters the train carriage and starts talking or making noises that make you feel uncomfortable, and you then stand up and leave the carriage, then you should not be allowed to use the trains because you are a terrible person.
So there you go, those are the rules, share it around and let everyone know.
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